Top 5 Lists

Top 5 Lists


Years ago, I was a big fan of David Letterman. It was long enough ago that he was hosting “The Late Show with David Letterman” on NBC and the show didn’t come on until 12:30 a.m., after Johnny Carson. You had to be a devoted fan (or a college student) to stay up that late to watch Dave interview and array of interesting people, and also throw things off the roof of a five-story building and cheer on his guests doing “stupid human tricks.” There was no taping shows then, or watching them later on YouTube. One of David’s most popular segments was his nightly Top 10 List in which he ranked everything from “Things You Don’t Want to Hear at a Bus Stop” to “Words That Sound Great When Spoken by James Earl Jones,” and a great deal in between.
I’ve had some phrases that annoy me pop up frequently in conversations and books lately, enough so that in my head I began to create my own Top 5 List of “Comments That Drive Me Crazy.” And then, to balance all the negativity, I decided I should think of top five phrase that I really like to hear. I offer these lists with the disclaimer that they are based purely on my own opinion and are not meant to be lists that carry any kind of significance to any one else. Given that there is “no accounting for personal taste,” there is likely no accounting for personal peeves. So here they are, first the negative then the positive, from the home office in St. Johnsbury, Vermont:

1. “Just saying.” This phrase is usually said just after the speaker has voiced their opinion that is contrary to what others have said. Or the person may have come out with statement that they know may be offensive or, at the least, disruptive to the conversation. And they toss out a “just saying” as if that will excuse any harm they may have done. “Just saying” seems the equivalent of some who say, “bless her heart” after they have said something disparaging about someone else.
   

1. “Don’t get all PC on me.” Being “PC” or politically correct, usually means you’re trying to be respectful and considerate of others’ values, emotions, safety or possibly even their presence. Being thoughtful and kind in a conversation isn’t something to avoid.
   

1. “It’s all part of God’s plan.” I know first hand that there are people who believe everything that happens in life - good, bad, joyful, tragic - is orchestrated by a God who plans out the details of our lives. I would not try to talk someone out of this belief. It is likely central to their faith. But for many people who don’t hold this conviction, these words can be confusing at best, but also hurtful. To be told that a devastating experience like the death of loved one, could be part of some preordained plan specifically designed for them, doesn’t provide comfort. It is hard for them to find comfort in a God who would inflict pain for what they see as no good reason.
   

2. “God won’t give you anything more than handle.” Another comment that I know some people adhere to as a mainstay of their faith. If that’s your belief, stick with it. But we need to be careful about imposing our beliefs others when trying to provide support and advice. And secondly, sometimes life does throw more challenges, difficulties and disasters than one person can handle. They crumble under the weight of it all and they need help. Does this make them a failure? This comment seems to belittle the situation as someone may physically and emotionally survive whatever the problems are, but that doesn’t mean it's not a hugely difficult experience to endure.
And the Number 1 Annoying Phrase…

1. “There but for the grace of God go I.” (The idiom is credited to John Bradford of the Church of England in the 1500s, who reportedly said this while watching a convicted criminal walk to his execution.) Typically, someone says this when they witness another person in a situation they wouldn’t want to be in themselves, like living on the street or dealing with a natural disaster. To me, invoking this phrase implies that for some reason the speaker is more worthy of God’s grace than the person they are referring to. I read phrase this recently on a Facebook post about Ukrainians whose apartments and homes were bombed. Surely the Ukrainians are deserving of God’s grace. Maybe instead of referring to God’s grace, we should just call it luck. “There but for some random luck, go I.”
   

The Top Five Phrases I Like to Hear

1. “I just got a plane ticket and I’m flying home!” Who doesn’t want to hear that one of their kids has made a plan to be home soon?
   
2. “Be Well.” I noticed this expression after I moved back to Vermont about 15 years ago. After saying “goodbye” or “nice to see you” to someone while leaving a casual conversation, the other person would say, “be well” as we each went our own way. They are kind and gentle words for parting, and so Vermont.
   
3. “Well, it all pretends without it doesn’t.” This was a nonsensical phrase a teacher friend of mine said her school’s always patient, hardworking, custodian would say whenever they called him about a messy problem in their classroom or bathroom. No one in the school was quite sure what it meant, but for this custodian who had seen it all and cleaned up after it all, it was his way of reassuring the teachers that he could handle the situation, and knew just how to respond to whatever crisis they’d called him about. The teachers believed it to mean “no worries,” in custodian language.
   
4. “Be Happy. Be Brave. Be Kind.” I like this one so much that I tattooed it on my arm.
   
5. “Cheers!” Many years ago I was with my daughter Molly and her dad at the old bowling alley lunch counter in Lancaster and our neighbor, “Babe” Smith, who owned the bowling alley, was fixing our snacks. Babe prepared Molly her usual treat at the time, some cranberry sauce and a pickle. Molly held up her glass of juice, said “Cheers!” and clinked our glasses. If you can say cheers over cranberry sauce and pickles, then it’s a toast for any occasion for sure. And it’s a word that can elevate any situation. We should use it more often as a quick affirmation that any moment can be a special occasion.
   

That’s my list. I’ve tested it out with a few friends and family members and it’s been interesting to hear their reactions and learn what phrases are on their lists. For example, my sister Kate explained that she felt the comment, “there but for the grace of God go I,” can be a humble statement that expresses the vulnerability of someone saying they rely on God’s grace. I can see that now too. She also often ends phone calls and conversations with a happy “Cheers!” I like that.
What would be on your lists?
Cheers!